Unleash your assertiveness!
If you want to learn how to communicate effectively you must first learn how to be assertive and confident in your communication and what you are communicating. If you are not assertive, it leaves you with the options of being passive or aggressive, these both tend to alienate those you’re trying to communicate with.
In learning how to communicate effectively by being competently assertive, you’ll experience a boost of self-esteem and a personal confidence which will help you succeed in all areas of your life.
You will learn to be less annoyed, refrain from entertaining a feeling of inadequacy or guilty about your decisions and will experience more freedom in your life. Most importantly, the way you communicate will improve your relationships, both at work and in your personal life.
Assertiveness in communication means that you are able to express your thoughts and feelings, without anger and in an appropriate and honest way. This enables you to stand up for your rights as a free thinking and valuable individual and others will not be confused about your beliefs and opinions, you know where you stand and so shall others.
Techniques for positive assertiveness, become a more effective communicator:
- Broken Record – This technique can be a bit tricky; it is that you persist in expressing what you want and how you feel without bringing anger, irritation, or resentment into your tone of voice. The key is to remain calm and express your wants very clearly. Then, keep repeating your point and do not give up unless you decide to agree to a compromise. This is not nagging, but more of stating a fact, “I will not do it”, “I do not agree”, “This is what I would like to do.”, “This is what feels right for me, they are my feelings and I respect me.” – these are very clear statements.
- Fogging – A technique which involves not responding in an anticipated manner, people often anticipate a defensive or placating response (back to the passive or aggressive communication but rather a calm rational response). This method is one which gives a minimal response within a conversation, rather than being argumentative. When you are not expressing the desired effect with the person, he or she will tire of the conversation. This is also where listening skills are involved, take time to hear what the other person is saying, remember this also gives you time to respond rather than react.
- Handling Positive and Negative Comments – You may have trouble responding to compliments or on the other end, to respond to negative comments about you or something you have done. For positive comments, you should express your assertiveness by thanking the person and if genuine, you can add a compliment for them too and for negative criticism, you can express regret that the person feels that way and then ask what do they have a problem with so that you can understand their perspective within the situation.
As you continue to practice this positive assertiveness with others, you’ll find that your skills of communication will increase, and you’ll have less problems engaging in conversation with people.
You may find methods of your own which work; like not engaging a person in arguments or being able to walk away from a bullying situation calmly and without being angry.
Developing assertive communication is a key interpersonal skill and is a self-confidence booster which can help you with day-to-day communication with those who are close to you and those you may need to deal with on a one-time basis.
Remember to listen to what is not being said too, especially in face-to-face communication, so much of our communication is non-verbal, be mindful of the message that you are putting across too, when you are assertive in your communication, your words and body language are in alignment, as you are speaking your truth on every level.
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