I recently started a conversation with a fellow passenger on an airplane and I soon found myself repeating the words, “you know what I mean”, “you understand”, “you get what I am saying” and “I know you get it”. I could hear myself constantly repeating these phrases after almost every sentence, to the point that I apologized, stated that this is an assumption on my part, considering that a few times, they “did not get what I was saying”, be it the noise from the propellers or to be brutally honest, I was just not making any sense, after a very long day, no sleep and travelling for hours in the heat, I might have been better off sleeping for the last leg of my journey but I needed connection and could see from the speed of the interaction that they were engaged in our communication as well.
Urgently Needing Communication and Connection
I consciously tried to restructure my sentences, yet somehow these words kept popping out of my mouth stating it so firmly, as if it was my usual sentence structure, an affirmation of being understood or a desire to be understood in that moment and that is just what it was, it was true, this was my subconscious mind speaking, it was seeking confirmation of worthiness, value and connection in the here and now.
The words that were surfacing were wanting to build rapport, to have the other person confirm a connection, that we were on the same page. As it happens, they were very entertaining, knowledgeable, and friendly, and in my exhausted state, I could just be my tired-self and hope that I was communicating on a level of understanding, not choosing my words, rather blurting them out. This was no mindful moment, just raw engagement.
In that time and space, this was the communication I needed, to speak openly, to laugh and to listen. I wanted to listen, to understand, to hear what was being said and these repeated phrases served a second purpose, my subconscious was indicating that I was tired, and an exhausted part of me was using a structure which I had not used before, in the moment it was confusing, it was desperately trying to get the other person to start building rapport in a way that suited my thought patterns and needs at that moment in time, the confirmation of what I had said, a very closed one-sided approach to communication.
They were being very open, gesturing in a similar manner smiling at similar intervals, my mind chose to ignore this, and was fixated on its own path. My mind was in a state of hopelessness, helplessness, when we have not rested, and have very recently experienced a physical and emotional stressful situation, with no time for reflection, we sometimes seek assurances of the self, this is where the ego takes over, the me, the I and as much as we want to be in giving and sharing mode, we switch to taking mode searching for validation of our feelings. Sometimes we need a listening ear or support, even if it is from an absolute stranger.
Navigating Your Emotional Needs
On a deeper level, nobody but you fully understands what feelings, or emotions, or even fears you are experiencing, give yourself time to process these, keep building relationships with those around you and trying to spread love and light in the world, take a moment and be open to receiving too, as in receiving you might be giving someone the opportunity to affirm, that “YOU GET WHAT THEY ARE SAYING” and they are a helper in that moment.
We might not all be on the same page in our lifestyle choices, but one thing which is universal is how to build great rapport, we can share support and create connection. So, let’s get communicating and engaging!
Peace, light and love x